I know I learned more about myself on this trek, but it feels impossible to articulate the ways in which I did. How do you explain things that are so introspective? I knew I didn’t do well without real routine, but on the trek, I truly learned to what extent that affects my life. Not knowing the smallest details sends me spiraling, but somehow, and I don’t know how, I found a way to tamp that down on this trek. It was a necessary evil to tackle because the unknown was all around me, but now I must figure out how to keep this up in the front country. Additionally, I learned that being uncomfortable isn’t the worst feeling in the world. If we never get uncomfortable then we’re not doing things worth remembering. I would not have gotten to the most rewarding part of the trek had I not pushed past my ‘fish out of water’ feeling.
When it comes to leadership, I wouldn’t say I have a new perspective but rather a new arsenal to use as a leader in my daily life. When I’m outside of my usual environment, I find it hard to step up in the way that I do in my life at Pitt and in my jobs. It’s hard to feel confident when you’re in over your head, but when you realize that everyone else is in the same boat, it’s easier to take the lead. Whether or not you know how to do everything or make every decision, if you’re willing to learn with the group then they will respect you and follow your lead. In contrast to me, some people don’t want to be, or need to be, a designated leader to make their voice heard. I feel like it’s not my place to share how I feel when I’m not the one with the veto power. However, I appreciate when the ‘appointed’ leader can take a step back and let the team give their warranted opinion. That’s a balance I struggle to find; listen to other voices when I’m leader, but also speak up when someone else might be calling the shots and I disagree.
The most important thing I can do to continue learning to be a better leader is receiving feedback no matter how nerve-wracking it might be. I consciously avoid asking for feedback even though it’s the most beneficial thing I can do to continue my leadership development. That will be a challenge I face for the foreseeable future. Self-reflection is one that also goes hand in hand with feedback. I already self-reflect daily when I’m trying to fall asleep every night, and I replay every moment from my day. But, I need to actively practice self-reflection in a more formal manner in which I take time out of my day to put my thoughts down on paper. Lastly, I need to get out of my own head. I know that seems as vague as humanly possible, but it’s something I struggle with especially in my personal leadership. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in yourself and all of your own issues and prioritize everything in your own self-interest, but if there’s one thing I got out of the trek it’s that things go much better when you care about those around you as much as you care for yourself.