I’ve been back in the states for a little over two weeks now. Something I didn’t really expect about coming home was this period of readjustment I’m still going through. While I was getting used to a certain way of living in Dublin, I was also forgetting some of the things I had learned from living in Pittsburgh. For example, public transportation in Pittsburgh is something that’s always eluded me. After doing a daily commute in Dublin for about 2 months, I had a pretty good understanding of how the buses worked. I can’t even pretend to know what’s going on with the Pittsburgh bus system. Not only do I not ride any bus frequently enough to know the routes without checking my phone, but there isn’t any one app that I feel like I can trust. I forgot just how hard it was for me to get around Pittsburgh until my first night back when I couldn’t find a bus. (In my defense, a few routes were changed to avoid some construction that was taking place.)
I feel more confident these days. I think it had something to do with the fact that I was interacting with so many new people so often. Sometimes, I think about conversations or interactions with people as a sort of way to test my personality out. I do it because I’m interested in being a person others enjoy being around, but I also want to make sure that I like being around myself as well. I thought I had a pretty good sense of the spaces where my personality worked in the U.S., but being in Ireland gave me a bit of a new perspective on the matter. That is to say, I was in a completely new environment with a completely different cast of characters and I was still myself. More than that, I was comfortable with myself and the way that I interacted with others. It’s reassuring to know that I can be myself wherever I go. That feels stupid to say, but I used to think that my personality only worked with certain people in certain places. My thinking now is more along the lines of “my personality is what it is, and people can take it or leave it.”
Another bit of personal growth is that I don’t have as much of a sweet tooth. I’m not going to go as far as to say that the candy options in Dublin were lacking, but they didn’t have a lot of the really unhealthy ones that I prefer. There were a few places that had nerds, but they were also ridiculously overpriced. As a result, my bank account and my taste buds made a rare agreement to lay off the sugar. I fully intended on relapsing once I got back to the states, but a recent dentist visit has put that dream on hold for at least a little while. It’s probably good that I started weaning myself off the sweets in Dublin. (I’m not sure if I would’ve been able to go cold turkey otherwise.)
Academically, I understand my writing abilities a little bit more. I have a better grasp on how long it takes me to write certain things and how to write for the prompts I’m assigned. I’d like to think that I’m a better writer, but I haven’t really gotten any feedback on most of the writing I did over the summer. It’s entirely possible that I haven’t improved at all and that my skills are exactly where they were at the beginning of Summer, if not worse. No matter the case, I feel more comfortable writing than I used to. I would also say that I’m slightly more organized than I used to be, which is due entirely to the internship.
As a professional, working the internship has given me a greater sense of confidence in my capabilities. Not only do I now know that I’m competent enough to work in a professional environment, but I also have a better understanding of the way that I work and what I need to work efficiently. Any worries that I had before the trip about not feeling qualified or being behind my peers are largely gone, which I appreciate.
One of my biggest takeaways from the program is that I could stand to calm down. I’ve spent so much time worrying about whether or not I was smart enough to function in work environments or if I was organized enough to be able to complete projects efficiently. In my reflection, I can’t say that any of the anxiety I had before the experience did me any good. I believe that as an academic, a professional, and as a person, I’m going to start trusting myself and my abilities more often.
