Où est-ce que j’appartiens?


This past year had me thinking a lot about where I wanted to settle in the future… or if I ever wanted to settle in the future. Would I stay in the states? Maybe I’d end up in a developing country, doing some good to the world. But after only a month and a half here, I’m starting to think that I belong in a big international city. Like Paris. Or Paris? Goodness gracious, I think am falling in love with this city. No, I am in love with this city; the falling already happened. Do I want to live here permanently? Maybe… Where do I belong?

Maybe I just haven’t been here long enough to endure the hardships that the city has to offer. I’ve heard the winters are quite the misery. Comparable to Pittsburgh? Not sure. But hardships aren’t unique to just Paris. Maybe I want to start looking for another internship here next summer. One without the help of an organization. Should these companies be ones I permanently want to stay with? I have so many questions, finally experiencing the infamous Sunday Scaries. I’m thankful that this experience is making me question what I want to do with my life, but I’m frustrated that it’s pulling me farther away from what I thought I knew. Where do I actually belong?

Maybe I should take a more creative route with my life instead of the traditional path encouraged by my parents and my university. And when I say creative, I don’t actually mean utilizing my new design skills I’ve recently developed. I mean taking an unconventional, abnormal path to the finish line. I think I need to add more passion into my life and into my work because I find myself getting frustrated with ordinary things that shouldn’t cause stress. And although a lot of these thoughts have little to do with Paris, Paris is helping me to bring them to surface. Paris is helping me figure myself out. Really, where do I belong?

Maybe I have started to settle. I love my job, but do I love it enough? I love Pittsburgh, but do I love it enough? I love my field of study, but do I love it enough? I think being away from university, or the start of what is supposed to be the rest of my life, is showing me that I don’t have to settle on what I don’t love enough. It’s showing me that I don’t have to take the traditional route in this stage of my life. It’s showing me that I still need time to figure myself out and to figure out where I need to go. But where is that? Where do I belong?