Never forget to say “Bonjour” at the beginning of any interaction and a “Merci, au revoir” at the end.

There are many stereotypes that French people are unkind, specifically Parisians. This is simply a result of different styles of communication across different cultures.

One simple aspect that is overlooked so much but makes a massive difference is greeting people. Because to Americans, people often just get into a conversation and the greeting is seen as appreciated but optional. In France, I would say the greeting serves two purposes, in my opinion. For one, it acknowledges the person’s presence. Secondly, it is a way to get someone’s attention and let them know you want to interact with them without abruptly jumping into what you want.

Before I came to Paris, I told myself, I have heard the same advice millions of times, I think I will be just fine. Months before I even landed, I was told to be prepared for many culture shocks and communication differences. I was told that French people are quite direct and to not take it personally or get my feelings hurt. Moreover, I recall during our pre-program orientation that we discussed high-context and low-context cultures, so I had an idea of what to expect. Cultural shocks will not be that bad.

It was not horrible. But let me say, even if people give you advice, you will never know how to apply it unless you are actually in that situation. There are a lot of nuances to saying “Bonjour.” In all cases it is appreciated, for the most part, but there are cases where it is much more important or expected than others.

One day, I was leaving my homestay to go to work. I was in a hurry. There was a lady taking care of the garden in the apartment complex, and she said “Bonjour” but it was in a bit of a rapid and somewhat stern fashion that I did not understand.

I did say “Bonjour” back, but I believe I was in such a hurry that it was either not loud enough, or I said it too late, or I should’ve initiated, and I did not quite understand at the moment. But looking back, I believe it may have been a combination of the first two factors.

I think I realize this now being on both ends of the situation. It’s not just saying “Bonjour” that is important, but the tone used and how quickly it is done. Because if it is said in a voice that is somewhat quiet or after a few seconds of delay, it doesn’t hold the same aspect of sincereness and seems performative. There is a certain pitch used to say this greeting which I did not realize was necessary.

Moving on to the aspects that are specifically professional, there is another layer of communication and expectations to be held. When it comes to criticizing work, French people are absolutely direct. In the US, it is common for employers to use a “compliment sandwich” way of delivering feedback, especially in industry settings. In France, on the other hand, people will cut to the chase.

I do feel that people exaggerate the extent to which people are direct. From my experience, my supervisor was definitely a lot more straightforward with what was wrong with my work and what I had to change, but it was never rude or overly blunt the way people make it seem. It’s possible that I was not shocked because I knew the feedback comes from wanting to help someone improve. People think it is important to be honest and quick to help you fix what is needed.

On the other hand, I picked up on communication differences in other areas. One is the tone of voice people use in conversation and what it means. In the US, people generally use a tone that is more varied with a lot of rising and falling in the pitch. To some this is seen as friendliness, while to others it is seen as insincere or unusual. In France, although people do not use completely monotone voices, the tone stays the same mostly throughout speech. Tone changes mean something, but are a lot more subtle. In a professional environment, it is valuable to try to adapt to this to be seen as someone sincere and blend in to an extent.

At first, especially the first few days, I thought my colleagues disliked me or were unenthusiastic or uninterested. But that isn’t really true. When I started going to lunches, making effort to ask people questions in French and try to start small talk in another language, people were accommodating and friendly.

I have not had any serious conflicts with any colleagues or supervisors. It is mostly subtle messages that I learned to interpret. For the first few days, people would often ask me, “Aren’t you going to eat?” I did not reflect on this much at first, and even wondered why people kept on asking me this. I realized that in a way, it was really not about eating itself. Mentioning eating was just an implicit way of asking if I was not going to join my other colleagues and socialize. At this moment, I realized how important it is for me to, as often as possible, eat my lunch with a group of colleagues. And during the occasions I could not, I would tell them beforehand or after as courtesy.

One last aspect of communication which I have noticed is that it is a lot more important to be seen as modest. One day, I complimented my colleague on her skirt. She thanked me and said in a voice that seemed unenthusiastic at first, saying it is just a normal skirt. I was initially a bit worried that I said something or that my tone was strange, but then I discussed it with a French friend who told me it was just a way of modestly accepting the compliment and that she most likely appreciated it.

It is the penultimate week of my internship, and I am wrapping up the final stages of my research project. With a change in supervisor halfway through and new knowledge, the scope of my research has changed as well. Needless to say, whether it is a job, internship, or even a class, communication is essential. This applies not just for maintaining relationships and a social life, but also it can either expand or limit what you achieve in a new environment.