What did you learn during the shakedown overnight trek? How will this impact your approach to the longer trek later in the program? 

I had a really hard time on the physical aspects of this trek. I was by far the slowest person on our team, and found it incredibly difficult to keep up with everyone. On the way to camp, Simon was the lead and did an amazing job at taking his time and making sure that everybody had enough breaks and time to snap pics, but by the time we were following a local to a nearby campsite, I found it impossible to keep up. I wanted to throw up and pass out all at the same time. This was incredibly difficult for me physically, but mostly mentally as well. I knew before coming on this trip that I would probably be the slowest, as I have been on every sports team I’ve ever joined (including a lacrosse team I was on for almost 10 years) but I did not realize that I would struggle as much as I did. Mostly, I was extremely disappointed in myself for being as slow as I was, and felt really bad for all of the people behind me. My roommate at the Hanifl Centre, Anita, was incredibly supportive and was the biggest reason as to why I was able to push myself to the top. This brought out a fear in me for the trek on the way back home as I knew it was entirely uphill, and I feared that I would hold the team up again. On the way home, somebody suggested the slowest lead, so I led our way to the top of the mountain. I was extremely proud of myself and felt that I pushed myself, but it started to subside a bit when I reached the top as people told me that we were late to lunch and that I was too slow and should stick to the back. I know I have my limits and I am trying to accept my body’s capabilities and ignore the few that may be discouraged by my skills. 

What leadership skills and abilities did you recognize being implemented by your peers during the shakedown trek?

I believe we had a lot of conflict on this trip both at camp and on the trek home. There are only four girls on this trek, and sometimes we feel that the boys speak over us or ignore what we are saying. A few times on the trek some of the girls made statements that were dismissed, and they were only acknowledged once the guide reiterated them or once more of the boys agreed. During our debrief at home, we had a session where we wrote down our concerns and read them to the group. One of the girls expressed this concern and asked for more feminist leadership, but the boys said that we were being too quiet. Our guide said that we should separate gender from this situation, but I didn’t agree with this. I believe that the only way to address this kind of situation is by talking openly about it, and allowing it to be acknowledged. Some of the other girls suggested having a private debrief with just the students, but I may also speak to people directly as well so that I really can be heard. I believe there are some incredibly strong and intelligent girls on this trip, and I find myself relying on their leadership every single day. Sometimes I find it difficult to be open about my struggles, especially in a group of boys that don’t seem to have any (openly), but the girls have been incredibly perceptive to my feelings and seem to be able to read my face even when I don’t feel comfortable speaking up. Anita has this incredible way with words that always calms me down and reinforces my strengths, but also is not afraid to tell me different perspectives when I need to hear them. Lilly is incredibly outspoken and fearless about talking about our group struggles, she always says what we need to hear and works to make every perspective and feeling heard. Rin has been my rock (in Pittsburgh and here) and is my source of comfort and motivation in the more rough times. These girls are teaching me the strengths in womanhood and they are the biggest leaders for me on this trip. 

Upon reflection, how did you personally offer leadership on the shakedown trek?

I was obviously not the best physically on this trip, but I have a lot of practice with other camping activities such as setting up the tent, cooking, and other outdoor lifestyle activities (including taking a poopie). I thrived once I made it to our campsite, but it was definitely hard to get there! I feel the most confident when I am doing these activities, and find that I have been able to teach other people how to set up tents, perfect knots, and practice the camping stove. I am glad I have something to give to the group as I feel I have been lacking in other areas, like getting up the mountain.