It’s been just over a week since I returned home from Europe. After I left Madrid, I spent a lovely three days with my friend and her family at their home in Naples, which included a day trip to Rome. Since then, I’ve been back in my childhood home in Clarksburg, Maryland, where I’ve spent my time getting ready for RA training once again, walking around the neighborhood I’ve lived my whole life, and regaling my friends with stories while we sit in the same parks I’ve been going to for years. Save for a new sushi place (8/10) that’s sprung up in a nearby shopping center and some other minor changes, the world around me is completely unchanged. While I was excited to return to familiarity and comfort, I do feel somewhat jarred by the consistency of my external world after coming from an experience I undoubtedly consider life-changing.
Maybe this discomfort arises from the fact that I loved the person I was in Madrid. I was always active, filling my free hours after work by exploring neighborhoods, attending art exhibitions, and taking dance classes. I didn’t worry about going anywhere alone; if I wanted to do something, I just did it. I talked to strangers wherever I went. I made local friends. I was open, both by absorbing the world around me and expressing myself outwardly. I made an effort to show respect and appreciation for my above-ideal host family. In Madrid, I was the best, most curious, and kindest version of myself.
What reassures me is knowing that this person is still me. At home, my friends’ and family members’ understanding of me is shaped by years of context and all the versions of me that have existed during that time. But when you put yourself in an entirely new setting, all anyone sees is the version of you that exists today. Through the things I did, the ways I caught myself thinking, and the connections I made, being in Madrid showed me a clear picture of the current Marley. And while I found many habits I hope to change, overall, I have come from this experience with a renewed sense of self-understanding and confidence.
One aspect of my experience that contributed to a boost in my confidence was the role I played in my internship. At the ActionAid EU office, I was put in a role with much more trust and responsibility than I had expected as a 2-month intern, and I had no time to gradually get over my impostor syndrome. I decided not to hold back. On my first day, when my coworkers and I sat around a room in Brussels and reviewed the draft for our advocacy campaign’s home page, I offered suggestions that helped make the language more accessible to those outside of the EU policy bubble. Additionally, as the only native English speaker, I was able to help with the grammar and flow of our messaging. These experiences helped me realize that even if I’m not an expert on something, when I am engaged and attentive I have meaningful perspectives to contribute. Throughout my 2 months, I came up with many out-of-the-box ideas for our campaign’s social media content, which my coworkers greatly appreciated. I realized a lot about myself professionally, including: I much prefer working from an office than home; I thrive in roles where I get to be creative; and I’m comfortable taking initiative and managing myself.
From an academic perspective, I believe my time in Madrid has helped broaden my interests. Previously, I have focused on American history and politics in my classes, and my internships and extracurriculars have revolved around local issues like urban planning and local civic engagement. However, working for an international human rights organization has reinforced my belief that all social justice struggles are connected, and a huge range of opportunities would allow me to work towards the same goals of promoting a freer and more equitable world. For example, one of my tasks with ActionAid was to post about our signature on an open letter to the President of the European Commission, asking her to condemn the xenophobic chants that erupted from members of the legislative body after an anti-immigrant policy had passed. The hostility in Europe eerily mirrors the wave of xenophobia, surveillance and brutality we’ve seen in the US under Trump and ICE. Seeing how “local” problems aren’t so local makes me more motivated to tackle them. Additionally, after working with EU politics, I feel more curious about the history that influences how different countries make decisions, and I hope continue learning about global history and current affairs beyond my time in Europe.
It feels strange coming back to the same old world after experiencing 2 solid months of constant newness. But moving forward, I know that I can carry the lessons and sentiments I gained in Madrid wherever I go. I feel energized to continue learning about the broader world. And I feel empowered to show up in settings new and familiar as my full self, without hesitation.