The past few days have been a total whirlwind. Our days are jam packed with classes, games, and activities. It is a bit overwhelming at times due to the sheer amount of energy I need to dedicate to stay awake, let alone learn in each class. I am still adjusting to the time zone, lack of personal space and time, and climate. I found myself on the verge of falling asleep a few times in class, and I am constantly feeling dehydrated. While that may seem like I am struggling to enjoy myself, I am still finding plenty of ways to cope with the stress and find silver linings. Since I am naturally waking up early, I have been taking a book to the café before anyone else arrives so I can read while sipping on chai or coffee and waiting for breakfast to be served. I have also enjoyed going for walks with some people later at night so we can view the twinkling lights from Dehradun far below us.

I am still forming my personal goals for the program, but I do have a few ideas in mind. For starters, I want to gain more confidence in my skill as a leader, especially in my willingness to initiate or jump into the action when needed. I often find myself relying on others to take that first step and I want to change that pattern.

My other goal feels somewhat contradictory, but it is to give and create others space to speak up and bring their ideas to the group. I’ve notice that in past group dynamics, some people have great ideas or suggestions, but are drowned out by louder or more assertive people. I want to be better at noticing when I see people struggling to grab the group’s attention and help elevate them so they can be heard. Additionally, when I am designated as a leader, I want to ensure that I pay attention to the advice and feedback I receive from group members. I believe a good leader must create an environment where group members are comfortable to speak up and that it is easy and accessible to do so.

This brings me to my last goal, which is to be more comfortable and receptive to getting feedback, especially criticism. In the past I have always hated receiving negative feedback and would refuse to hear it or I would get defensive and irritable. I know that this is holding me back from evolving into the best version of myself, and I need to be open to receiving feedback which can make me uncomfortable.

During the past few days, we focused mainly on leadership classes and games which highlighted specific themes. These have helped shape my perspective of leadership and how group dynamics work. One of the games focused on making decisions as a group and it required us to come to a consensus based on the information that was given to us in a story. Despite everyone hearing the same story about a street vendor and a bad interaction he had, we all had different ideas on the total amount of loss he experienced during the transaction. Since we all needed to come to a singe answer, we had to quickly learn how to negotiate and argue for each of our answers in order to convince others of our position. The game highlighted some of the difficulties in coming to a group consensus, but it also highlighted how much power each individual had to either build the consensus or break it. I alone could have thwarted the entire group by refusing to join the coalition either due to ego and arrogance or to a simple misunderstanding when reviewing the facts of the story. In the end, we were able to reach a consensus very quickly, but the activity still highlighted the need for clear communication, attention to detail, and negotiation skills as leaders both individually and as a group.