Hallo Leute! I’ve been back in the U.S. for about one week, and it’s been really nice reuniting with my family and close friends. Near the end of the trip, I definitely felt ready to go home. After being immersed in a different culture for so long, and constantly being aware of what I was saying or how much space I took up, I grew a bit tired. I actually stayed an extra week after the end of the program and lived with an L-Support volunteer. I was alone most of the time, which made it an entirely different experience from the rest of my internship. I spent a lot of time by myself in different parks reflecting on the past two months, which in hindsight sounds really dramatic.

During my last week, I was able to attend three different Pride events with my coworkers and L-Support volunteers. The first event was the Motzstraßenfest, which only lasted one weekend. I spent most of my time in the L-Support tent, handing out stickers and pamphlets to people who approached us. I also took some time to explore the rest of the tents, which covered several blocks. I was seriously surprised at just how much space this festival took up. L-Support also attended “CSD auf der Spree,” which was by far my favorite event! Dozens of queer organizations each rented a boat and sailed along the Spree and celebrated with music, beer, and Puscheln (pom-poms we would shake at passing boats!). Lastly, I participated in Berlin’s annual Dyke March and walked for about three hours…it was tiring, but seeing a Brat-inspired sign was worth it.

Looking back on the past two months, I can certainly see how I’ve personally changed. To start, I learned to have some faith in myself. Obviously, I know that my German is not perfect. But at times, I found myself playing dumb in front of native German speakers, like my coworkers. I second-guessed my sentence structures and vocabulary usage, even when I was initially confident that I was correct. I learned that I’m bound to make mistakes; it’s truly inevitable when learning to speak another language. I didn’t want to miss out on certain memories because I was stuck inside my head trying to figure out which past-tense sentence structure was appropriate. Without having faith in yourself, especially in another country, there is no way to truly enjoy your time.

Academically, I learned a lot about the queer history and modern gay vernacular of Berlin. One of my favorite memories was going to Das Schwules Museum on a rainy day. The exhibition was about the history of sex work in Berlin. It was amazing to see bits of knowledge I’ve learned from different classes manifested into real museum artifacts. In a previous post of mine, I mentioned seeing an identification card for a trans* man issued by Magnus Hirschfeld himself! Regarding vocabulary, I was shocked to see how many people didn’t use any pronouns. I’ve certainly met several people who use they/them pronouns or even neopronouns in my life. But I had never actually met someone who didn’t use anything at all. The structure of German sentences allowed for more nuance in referring to someone, which I found surprising, considering German is an incredibly gendered language. I really want to look into this further and learn more about this nuance of sentence structure.

Professionally, I learned the importance of personal ability. I was given a lot of freedom in my projects and could essentially do whatever I see fit. I occasionally checked in with my coworkers to make sure I was on the right track or whenever I needed help with a certain word, but for the most part, I did whatever I thought would best represent the organization. In planning my queer homelessness workshop, I took it upon myself to research different queer organizations with a focus in homelessness or classism. I was overwhelmed and wasn’t entirely sure where to start, considering I had never planned a workshop before. Rather than biting off more than I could chew, I decided to give myself some grace. I started simple, and planned an informational panel with representatives from different organizations. This was certainly an important lesson I learned and something I intend to take with me in my future professional endeavors: I need to know my limits and abilities.

Thank you to everyone who has read my blogs throughout this summer (especially some of my family members!). This was certainly an experience I will never forget. I learned a lot about myself, my thresholds, and my values. I made mistakes and I learned from them. I occasionally felt embarrassed and remembered how little it all mattered. Nothing is as serious as you believe it is. How will you ever grow if you never allow yourself room to be a human?

Tschüßi und bis später!