Ciao tutti,
Today’s blog post is a bit sentimental because it’s time to reflect on my experiences here in Florence. With only five weeks left until I return to the States, this is a hard task for me because I am in no way, shape, or form ready to go back to America. If anything, I think if someone told me my flight got canceled, I would be excited to stay an extra day. I’m simply not ready for the best and most transformative four months of my life to come to a close.
Most of my blog posts are upbeat, highlighting the good this experience has brought me. However, the good hasn’t come without its challenges. It feels like just yesterday I was a scared little girl standing in front of the TSA line at Newark Liberty International Airport, shaking and starting to cry as I asked my mom, “Am I really about to live on another continent by myself?” She looked at me and said, “Yes, you are about to live your dream.” As mothers often are, she was right.
I remember walking into my apartment for the first time, meeting my new roommates with apprehension, and feeling an overwhelming exhaustion from jet lag. I remember calling my boyfriend that night, crying in the bathroom, asking him if I was in over my head—if maybe the dream I’d had since I was five years old to be in Italy was too much for me to handle. By “too much,” I mean traveling alone to a different country without knowing a single soul. I remember that feeling on the first night, that realization that I was truly alone, and the panic that came with it.
For the first three weeks, I felt like I was in a daze, not truly allowing myself to believe that I was living my dream. Once I finally stepped out of that haze and let the experiences sink in, my journey truly began to transform me. My only regret is not allowing myself to believe it was all real from the start. I had never been out of the country before, and suddenly, I found myself on another continent—the land of my ancestors, where some of my family still lives. My brain couldn’t comprehend it. Maybe it was because I couldn’t believe my dreams were unfolding in real life, or maybe I was just too scared to let it all in. But once I did, it became a pivotal moment in this whole experience.
Living in Italy has allowed me to find myself and break out of the shell of the scared girl crying at the Newark airport. I’ve become the confident woman who will depart from here in a few weeks. Back in America, I’ve always struggled with self-confidence, and being here has helped me realize that this struggle came from not truly knowing myself. Italy—the culture, the people—has shown me that the parts of me that felt “different” growing up were actually my Italian heritage shining through. When people criticized me for being too loud, too emotional, or too proud, it wasn’t a flaw. It was me being an Italian kid living in America.
Before coming to Italy, I started to lock away those parts of myself, thinking there was something wrong with them. But this country has shown me how to embrace them again. Italy welcomed me with open arms and helped me find the courage to live my authentic truth—that I’m not just American; I’m Italian, and that makes me unique in all the best ways. From this experience, I’ve learned to live more authentically and savor every moment.
Change has always been difficult for me, as evidenced by the mental picture of me crying at the airport. While I’ve always been able to adapt, I’ve always panicked beforehand. This experience has challenged me in ways I never expected. It forced me to dive headfirst into uncomfortable situations, and every time I did, the rewards made me forget the discomfort. From walking into an unfamiliar office on my first day to grocery shopping alone in a foreign country, these experiences have taught me to embrace change. Now, instead of feeling anxious about new situations, I get excited and ready to dive in. I’ve become more comfortable being uncomfortable.
For instance, I never liked walking alone in America, but here, being alone in this beautiful country feels like freedom. It has allowed me to soar, to blossom into a better version of myself. It has allowed me to build a community, work with amazing companies, meet incredible people, and fulfill the dreams of my five-year-old self.
If I could go back, I wish I’d had the hindsight to embrace it all from the start. But at the same time, without the initial struggles and battles, my transformation might not have been as profound. Overall, I continue to be surprised by how much I’ve grown here and how I’ve become the person I always knew was inside me but was too afraid to show.
As this chapter comes to a close, I feel grateful—for every moment, for every experience, and for myself, for having the courage to let this journey transform me.
Until next time,
Bella
